Take the Leap

When I was four years old, my parents enrolled me in my first dance class. This stayed a pivotal part of my life until I was 17 years old. I can say I learned so many lessons from inside the studio about life.

Last week, my darling girl put on her first pair of ballet shoes and excitedly walked into the studio while mom and brother waited out in the waiting area. Oh my heart could just burst. I was ready to go dig out my old gear and jump in with Ms. Ursula. As they learned their arm positions to Pachelbel's Canon, my heart was swooning. In part because she was so delighted. In another part because this will always be one of the primary languages of my heart.

Dancing was where I came alive. I loved it, I breathed it, I worshiped through it. It was one of my favorite expressions.

I loved 'the double door rule.' We were taught that when you walked into the doors of the studio we were asked to be fully present in that moment. Whatever was outside the doors was not our concern for the 1-3 hours we were there.

We learned etiquette and respect. Yawning was not tolerated in class. You didn't speak during class, (for the most part). You didn't complain, you worked hard.

You danced full out. No half way option. If you were holding back you'd get called out on it. "Stand up straight. Derriere's in. Turnout. Extend those arms. Jump higher, point your toes. Chin up. Proud chest." You were never caught off guard if you were corrected, you were taught to say thank you. We were invested in. "You practice like you will perform ladies. Don't forget to smile."

You start at the barre. Work to center. Then across the room. This was my favorite. But you can't dance across the floor if you don't have good barre training. Again, such life application. We can't do more in life, if we don't work hard in the basics.

But then I began to feel a new chapter was coming. This was where my first big leap of faith came in. When I was a junior in high school, I felt God ask me to surrender it all. Walk away. Trust him fully. Be done with ballet. Give up an opportunity to go spend the summer at  Ballet Chicago. This was the scariest decision of my young life. So many thought I was wrong. But, I knew following where God was calling me was more important than my dancing and my passion. I bartered with God for a good year before I took the plunge. "God, I'll just be the encourager at the studio. I'll make this more holy. Surely, you don't know what quitting would do to me"...but his plans were higher.

March 23rd came. I danced my last performance. I signed and dated my last pair of pointe shoes. A week later I went on a mission trip to Honduras. My eyes shifted to the plight of others around me. I was hooked. That summer I was a camp counselor at a Christian Camp instead of dancing in Chicago. Then the following spring I got to go on two more international mission trips. God blew me away. Because, when he says go, it is in our best interest to say we'll be ALL IN.

Dance full out! Chin up. Smile on. Walk in faith. Anticipate great things.

Since then, God has asked us many more times in our adult lives to be all in. To walk away from things that were good, excellent, and wonderful. But I trust he knows what's best, what's ahead, and in my best interest.

I still LOVE to dance. That will never go away. I would love to be at a zumba class or an adult class more often, but schedules don't often allow it...so I have dance parties with my kids. We rock out in the safety of our home.

It's terrifying to do the unknown. To step out. I encourage you, I plead with you, if there is something you're contemplating doing, but feel uncertain if it'll be a good idea, just jump all in. Don't be afraid of the unknown. So many people told me I was crazy to do it, and that I was making the wrong decision. But I couldn't shake it. I had to follow through on this big thing for my young teenage heart. I'm so grateful I learned then to listen to God's call and not other people's input.


I still dance. I still love ballet. But I am grateful God took me on a far greater quest. Sometimes we say yes to things, and still wish it could've been both. I knew I would never be a professional dancer, but it was still hard to end something early...But we have to trust fully and walk into the unknown.

He will provide answers, hope and peace. He leaps when we say yes. He dances when we surrender. That is a dance I want to be a part of!

What seeds to plant?

Last week, I was looking through some magazines I had been given about Hobby Farms. Oooh, how they're making me eager for spring. The last two or three years we had a small raised garden in our backyard and loved seeing how full we could pack it. I know we broke a ton of the rules as to plant spacing. We were so excited to grow things, we maximized what we had. We had zucchini, sugar snap peas, sunflowers, cucumbers, beans, strawberries, raspberries, carrots, and lettuce. All in two tight little beds. We all loved going out to pick fresh produce. I loved that my son would eat the cherry tomatoes like candy, and happily eat the sugar snap peas fresh off of the vine. Daily I would have to remind my kids to let the strawberries turn all the way red before they picked them. Oh that garden was fun. Each year we'd tweak it and change it to accommodate different things and highlight new ideas. 

Now, we've moved out of town and have plenty of space to have a garden that will give each type of plant the space it would prefer to have. If only the snow would melt! However, this year is forcing me to actually plan out, to some extent, what we want to include. We'll have to fence it as we have plenty of neighboring deer, but what will it end up looking like!? I can't wait to find out. A whole box just for strawberries. Another row just for my raspberries. You get the idea. Then I can't wait to have friends out to enjoy the bounty and share what we'll be able to grow. This is a dream come true.

However, all the idea of gardening, has made me stop to ponder my own heart and dreams. I came across the magazine advertisement the other day and had one of those moments where for a moment time stops. "It all starts with a seed." 

Then, my Bible Study we've been doing with church spent quite a bit of time going into where and how we plant our seeds. If we randomly scatter them, our garden will be spastic at best. I realize I'm coming out of one of those winters you just do barely scatter everything around. Then you wake up one day realizing it's been survival, reactive mode for months. Yes some things have been systematic and intentional, but I realize I've not been asking the bigger questions. How is my soil, where are my rows, what am I planting, what weeds am I not tending to? 

Friends, as we wait for the snow to melt (if you're in Kalispell) or the sun to reappear regularly, if you're anywhere else, I encourage you, as I am encouraging myself to ask a few questions. What are you sowing? Are you tending first to your soil. Your personal spiritual life. Clear the rocks and the weeds. Identify what is ruining your great planting soil. Being overly busy? Bitter? Discouraged? Isolated? Not in the Word? Not planning for your health? Take care of yourself and your heart first. 

Then decide what you want to plant. Are you being generous with your gifts and your time? Are you investing in relationships? Friendships that build up your character and joy? Investing in people who need a mentor? Building memories with your family and your kids? Getting involved in your church and giving of your time? Volunteering in something you're passionate about? What are you planting? When we stop to evaluate where our time is going every day, are you satisfied with it? Are you bold enough to change? I'm spending some time this week to evaluate what I'm passionate about, and if I'm really investing in it. 

From there, we have to daily care for our new seedlings. They need tending to, watering and weeding. As we evaluate and create new opportunities, we have to guard them when it's a vulnerable and new idea. The reward will be great. We live in a culture that just zones out to life. We are on our computers, our phones, our TVs and can miss out on so many opportunities. We have to choose to wake up, water, weed, repeat. I have to do this. I have to tend to my little tasks daily, so that when more opportunities come my way disciplines are intact. 

I cannot wait for what my new, real garden will end up looking like this summer. I can't wait to have people over to help me harvest the bounty. But I will have to spend quite a bit of time and some money to create that space. Jesus, please help me to be intentional in that, but more than that help me to ask what seeds I am to plant in life. Who or what am I to develop relationship with? What tasks do I need to remove from my daily life or add in? What do I need to be patient to allow to grow bigger and stronger? What will thrive because I put it in it's own place to grow instead of crowding it with too many other things? Lord please give me fresh eyes to serve, to seek out opportunities and daily and weekly continue to go after them! We have no idea how much we can do if we are obedient to do the work He's asked us to do. I'm grateful and excited for what lies ahead! 

Comparison is a thief

Comparison is a thief. A liar. A manipulator.

We live in a world of comparison. So often we don't even have an awareness of what we're doing when it's taking place.

I want to live life abundantly and with grace. I hope to live in the awareness of my daily need for grace. I want to continue to learn and grow and strive for the things God puts before me. I don't want to look sideways at what other have, or say, or do. I want to run my fingers through my daughters hair just because she's my little girl. I want to snuggle my growing boy because someday he'll be grown and raised. I want to live the life I've been given to live with my husband to the fullest. We are guaranteed no more than this moment, so why do I find myself subliminally looking sideways.

For my heart, it isn't that I want to get the nicest car or obvious material things, but it shows up in my inadequacies. My own failings can grip my heart fiercely and cage me in. I'm not patient enough, disciplined enough, present enough. If I could just commit to _______ more, I'd have different results. I'd be happier, I'd be more engaged, I'd be satisfied.

But one thing I've been reminded a lot of lately is the tension in the middle. Paul in Corinthians struggled with the unknown to us, thorn in his side. He wasn't a great speaker, or a public figure, but God used him mightily. He didn't let his inadequacies keep him from going after what God had planned for him.

Same with Moses. He couldn't speak well but God asked him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

David was a murder and an adulterer, but he was listed as a man after God's own heart because he kept striving for right relationship with God despite his failings.

Hannah kept praying for a baby when she could have none, and finally the Lord heard her cry and blessed her with Samuel.

Peter was hot headed but God said he would build his church through him.

Joseph was sold into slavery, thrown in prison for what he didn't do, and finally was able to save thousands because of his hard work and faithfulness to God.

So, why would I look sideways? I don't want to compare my story to others. I want to ask God to direct our steps, or stop me in my tracks if I'm off base. John 10:10 says 'the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but Jesus came to give us life, and to give us life abundantly'.

Imagine if those Biblical examples were to poll their friends for a yes or a no to following God. Imagine the grief they probably received from others as they moved into God's plan for them.

I'm freshly encouraged from this, to try to look up to the source of life. Then look to see who I can encourage and bring along. But I will not play the comparison game, because it is a thief.

Friends, let's not give the thief the power to change the lives we were made to live.

Live intentionally. Purposefully. Patiently. Ask for wisdom. Lean into those who have gone before. Sit on your knees and quietly ask the Lord to reveal blind spots or strength you didn't know you had.

Live fully. Be alive. Live abundantly.
Go where he leads even if it seems crazy!