John 15:4 says 'Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.'

There is only one who can satisfy. When I redirect my attention to my children, my friends, my family, my husband, and away from the God that knows me, made me, and delights in me, I will put undue stress on the other relationships.

We have seen so many hard things in the last couple of years and the weight on our shoulders can become heavy and tiresome. We grieve, we delight, we ache, we are full of gratitude. The only source of sustainable joy in my heart is that the God who made the mountains around us also thought it necessary to be near to us, equip us to do hard things, and never leaves us. Sometimes we can each feel like he's far away, but always is he there. Always is he waiting. Always is he good. Even when the circumstances aren't.

I want to be able to skip in the rain. Not out of ignorance, but out of trust. That though it be raining outside, and in the world around, my God is still faithful. My God is good. My God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than what we can hope or dream for (Eph 3:20).

Lord help me to be fruitful, engaged in your work, and full of your joy! I pray that over each of you as well.

Wearisome but worth it

Today was beautiful, warm, sunny and sweet.

We took our pup to the vet for a funny thing in his eye. We're on the watch, but it could be the nearing of an end of an era. He'll be 11 this summer, we got him when we had been married a year and a half. We've changed so many things through the years, but we've had our constant companion. Weird to think past having him in our home.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and confident of things unseen' Hebrews 11:1.

This is my verse over our sweet as pie girly whose name I can't share here. It's also just a life verse in general.
When Phill was about 9 years old he decided if he ever got a dog he would name it Montana. He had thought the ideal dream would be to live on a dirt road in Montana, driving an old pickup truck with a canine companion riding shotgun. Being a realist at an early age, he thought there's no way I'll live in a Montana, I'm from Seattle and want to be an engineer. So he decided to tribute his first dog to that dream. Fast forward to 2007 and we brought home the pup.
Now, here we are living that dream of his 9 year old boy self, and we can't help but reflect on the humor of it. But also the fun of God's dreams for us. He often puts desires IN us so we'll say"yes of course!" when God asks. He's gracious in that. Not to say it's easy, perfectly wrapped in a little box, but it's good.

I felt called to adopt, and eventually to foster from an early age. I grieved at many almosts. Now here we are with our dynamic duo babes and we're grateful we said yes. No it's not all sunshine and roses. Friends fostering and raising 4 kids 6 and under is at times the hardest thing I've ever done. I wouldn't want any other road though. 'For such a time as this' we are here. Having people 'worry about me for fear it's too much' is missing the point. I'm a grown adult who can choose what to say yes or no to. These babes, and specifically our girl, didn't choose their road, so I want to consciously walk into the tricky brokenness and make it a part of mine. It is hard. I have shed many tears, but I don't want to be worried about,I want to equip and cheer on others to join us in the battle.

Whatever God is whispering in your heart, go after it. It will not be easy. Trust me in that. But instead of easy, we choose messy, complicated, rich and full. This land is a gift given to us beyond what we could've dreamed. These 4 babes are the ones my heart was made for.
If our dog is on his last go around the sun, we want to reflect on the reminder of the ideas put in us years ago so that on hard days we know our why. God writes things on our hearts and he wants to show us his ways are better.
Say yes to risky faith. Be sure of what you hope for. Be confident in the unseen things your heart sings for and stay the course.

Noonday Sun

Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.
Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret it leads only to evil.
Psalm 37:1-8
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Do not fret over men or evil. Trust in the Lord. Dwell in the land. Commit your way to the Lord. Be still before the Lord. Be free to shine like the dawn, the ‘justice of your cause like the noonday sun.’

The Word of the Lord is rich, simple, complicated and free for us all to soak in. This morning I kept having the words ‘noonday sun’ stuck in my head. I had to reread this passage, one of my all time favorites. I want to commit my ways to the Lord. I want to give him my desires and dreams to see how he will use them. I want to release anger and frustration to him. I want to boldly believe that God is a Father who cares for his children.

Last week I felt like I was an octopus with all my appendages being pulled in opposite directions. I felt like I was doing nothing well, and everything at half capacity. Relationships feel like they were suffering or minimal, my heart was short with my kids, everything was just not where I wanted it to be. I called Phill one day when I thought it was all about to explode, anxiety was ripe within me. I asked which things I should do that particular day, because I was overloaded and couldn’t do it all. His question in rebuttal caused all of me to stop and really analyze my motivators. He asked me ‘a year from now, what will you have wanted to invest in and who do you want to be? From there, consciously choose what you want to choose today to invest in. The rest will fall into alignment.’

This had me on my knees asking Lord who am I? What have I poorly invested in, either too much or not enough? Steer the ship that is my heart Lord. If our lives are but a blip on the radar of the world, I want my little moment to count. I want to shine like the noonday sun. THe world doesn’t need me to be fried and haggard. The world needs me to boldly reflect the face of the one who sent me and made me. Friends, what are we reflecting from our faces? I felt like my face was heavy, worn out, and fatigued. I want the noonday sun to reflect on my face. I want to recommit my ways to the Lord and I want to trust him. I want to trust him with my fears, my joys, my unknowns, my tasks, my family, my dreams, my ministry. The name Emily means industrious one. My middle name is joy. I want to freshly live in the title given to me, that I would industriously choose joy.

Three times in this passage it says ‘do not fret.’ The passage is rich in verbs, commands, action steps. I want to trust, dwell, delight and commit my ways to him. I want to relinquish fretting, anger, frustration and the unnecesaries. I encourage you to ‘be still before the Lord’ and quiet your heart. ‘Dwell in the land’. See the nature around. See the creator who made the nature. Be a person of commitment, joy, hope and trust.

Our God is good, our God is big, and our God is inviting us to come to him.

I think this was my senior year picture... Maybe Junior. Pondering the ideas of what makes us. Journey with me if you will.
Where are you now? Who are you? Would your younger self like your adult self? What advice would you give yourself from now to then?
I think a lot of me has continued to be that girl. I've grown and changed in ways I could've never imagined.

I loved ballet, horseback riding, creative writing, relationships, quality time, good food, and outdoor time. I was blessed with great friends,a wonderful family and married the boy who stole my heart at 16.
I had dreams of helping people, getting married, having kids, adopting, living on acreage. I lived lite loved without holding back and saw the best in people and the world.
Today with the responsibility of life on my shoulders, I can feel weary, worn out, joyful, excited, exhausted, abundant and depleted at the same time. I want to strive to hit the mark but also have freedom to fail. I want to keep digging into relationships when I have seen many come and go. 

I want to tap into the eternal God who is above time, who is the real one who carries our lives. Give my burdens, fears, failures, falsities, dreams and hopes to him. I want to play more, laugh with pure joy more, connect with friends new and old more, and fiercely surrender everything to the one who gives me each breath. 

Without Him holding me, I am nothing. No one I can raise will complete me. No one I can encourage will validate me. A clean house, perfect presentation, or an American dream fulfilled will not complete me.
I want to trust Jesus even more today than I did when I had to worry about my Dr. martens looking good and fresh. When I'm 99, I want to be asking for the same dependence. 

Today I choose to be a child. A child who laughs with delight at the Father who made me, gave me life and wants to do life with me. 

I hope you will experience this too!