The Comparison Trick

We are three months into our first long term foster placement. We have never known so much love and sweetness. We wouldn't trade our time with our little girly for anything, even if she goes back home in a year or more. The Lord has asked us to be her parents in the interim, and parent we have. Middle of the night feeds, blowouts, kisses and cuddles...we've done it all. 

We had court for her initially a few weeks after she was born. This was a more in depth court day to get our case fully established and on record. We had the unique privilege in being the last case of the session, so we sat through a few other juvenile cases. One had to do with another foster situation, and the other sessions had to do with teen drug cases.

We had our eyes opened that day. Moms, and Dads, can I just say if you worry about being a 'good enough' parent, you're already succeeding. We sat and watched genuine devastation in the courtroom as we watched these teens with so much potential wrestle through their stories.

Most of us parent I would say as 8s, 9s, and 10s. We spend SO much energy on such a small margin of difference when we compare. Is my kid nice enough, eating organic enough, sleeping enough, etc. The things that can haunt a typical suburban mom in our circle seem small in comparison.

Moms, especially, can you please hear me that you're doing a great job?! Parenting is HARD work. It's incessant, unrelenting. Full of joy, wonder, new life, and sweetness. It's also full of learning curves, tears, exhaustion, isolation, loneliness, and messes. Can I encourage you that the moms who 'have it together' still have to fight their laundry piles, long for date nights with their spouses, and wish they could sleep longer?!

Sitting in the courtroom that day, I saw what the 1s, 2s and 3s of the parenting bracket really look like. What I love is that also sitting in that courtroom were people who were there to HELP these families become capable. For just our little pumpkin there were about 10 professionals there working to sort out her case. We need each one of them to help decipher her best course in life.

None of us can parent alone. Her bio parents need resources and help. We as her foster parents need help from our community to make it all work too. We're not perfect, we're messy, awkward, and unsure what life will hold. We're foster care rookies. AND YET, we feel peace that we have people to be a part of our story. They will help us be our best family. We want to have eyes to see and encourage other parents in their journey. Let's all strive to be at the top of our game, but in a way that is an overflow of love, not a competition of who is better or worse. Let's cheer each other on. Let's not feel inadequate or inferior. Let's just march forward in the trenches of togetherness.

Be the mom or dad to the kids you've been given to the best of your ability. Know when to ask questions and not go it alone....But cut the self loathing and seek to be enough.  When we think we're inferior, remember that we were given the little crew given us for a reason.

You've got this. Take a deep breath. Slow down. Hug more. Jump on the trampoline with your kids. Be still. Get off facebook. You are the mom or dad they need. Don't fret that you're different than the next mom. Be liberated. You're not a 1, 2, or 3 on the parenting scale. You're doing a great job, and if there is more to learn, there is always resources and people available to help!

Don't go this road alone!