We attend a monthly meeting on parenting at Easthaven Church that is put on by ChildBridge. If you didn't know, we have our foster care license, and this provides the continuing ed, and fellowship, to keep our license current. It's a great night, and if you are a foster or adoptive parent, I would greatly encourage you to attend! Dinner and childcare is provided, so why not?!
Anyways, one night we had a quick summary of the book '5 Love Languages of Children.' While I've definitely heard the concepts of the 5 Love Languages, I had not heard it specifically to children, nor had I read the material first hand. Having the presentation inspired me to work harder to redetermine what my sweet girl was needing, and what she wasn't getting.
We live a fast paced life, but also fight hard to keep things feeling simple. We love family time and simple moments. My son was at school and she was with me during the days when I would try to pack a ton of time into each day. "Naomi, let's go, go, go!" "Hurry up pumpkin, I need you to get in the car!" "Go to sleep right now so we can hurry to get brother from school." "We're going to be late to church!"Bless their little hearts though, every time I drop them off I give them a little pep talk to "be nice, share the toys, if someone takes it, you give it to them. No wrestling, stay dry, listen to your teacher." If she wasn't great or pushed me buttons I would get so frustrated at her! I have high expectations, even if she was only 2 or 3.
But she seemed more fickle, irritable and frustrated. I am sure I was even more so. Then knowing I was pregnant and expecting another one which would make it that much more tricky to nurture that budding little independent spirit.
I'm big on the words you use. I don't care for 'the terrible twos' or 'threenager' mindsets. I want my girl to be a good listener, respectful and have the tender sweet spirit I often see in her. I want to speak words of life over my kids because they become what I speak over them. If I'm constantly rolling my eyes and being irritated, I'll anticipate it and be more likely to see her failings. Not how I want to roll. If I encourage her and look for the best, I will see the best.
So, go back to our resource night, and my wheels started spinning. What really are her love languages? If I am pouring everything into her needs, but not hitting the right areas, my efforts will have minimal return. Same for spouses, friends and families.
Anyways, I chewed on it and realized I was always trying to use my time so strategically, but I was missing moments. So, one day, she was sound asleep on her little twin bed on a Sunday afternoon and I decided to just go curl up next to her and take a nap too. I figure there had to be some sort of pheromone something...Anyways, a while later, she woke up so puzzled and got this quirky look in her eyes. "Mommy, why are you in my bed?" "I wanted to snuggle you!" Next thing I knew, those tiny little petite arms of hers wrapped so tightly around my neck I could barely contain the warm fuzzies that were flowing. She pulled back and with the biggest grin her little face could muster smiled at me, then she proceeded to squeeze my neck again. In that moment, I knew I had found her.I realize it's a fine line. I do have chores that need to be done still. I still need to get projects completed, but as everyone has always heard, we will never get these years back. Now, almost daily she'll ask me in that darling little pumpkin voice of hers at bedtime or naptime, 'Mom, will you snuggle me?' A lot of times it doesn't take too much convincing to curl up next to that tiny little peanut, I'll remind you, I am 24wks pregnant, so I love to sleep!
Zoom ahead two or three months, and I feel like I've almost forgotten the frustration of a few months back. I think we just hadn't really connected in a way that her tank was filled up. Kids need to be hugged, snuggled, rocked, and spent quality time with. Now when I correct her, I feel like more often than not, she hears me, and from a much fuller emotional tank can respond. Of course she has her moments and so do I, but I am grateful to have rediscovered my tender girls' little heart.
Friends with kids, big or small, or anyone you love really, I encourage you to do some homework and look up more info on the love languages. Again, you can feel like you're pouring into someone endlessly, but if it's not a language they speak, your efforts may still come up empty.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resources/books/
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resource/the-five-love-languages-of-children/
http://www.bethechangeconsulting.com/sites/default/files/worksheets/BTC17b_five-love-languages-summary_05a_bw.pdf
